April 4, 2012
I'm not sure why but at lunch I went for a run to go visit an old friend. Nothing much has changed with it, maybe in a couple hundred thousand years it will be a dramatically different place but for now nothing seems different with the cliff top where my life began to unravel nearly 10 years ago. I stood here on a brisk overcast day in February many years ago contemplating the direction my life had taken. Going up there today took me back to that time, where I was at personally, all of the unanswered questions I had in my head, the dread and pain that I felt, the betrayal, confusion and mistrust. I was at that time clinging quite dramatically to a house of cards. The decisions that I made that day placed me on a rocket ship of maturity. Not only did my visit up there today set me on the memory train, I was confronted in the starkest way I can imagine with the different place that I occupy today. I am no longer in any way dominated and controlled by fear, honesty is a treasure to me today, in nearly every way I am unrecognizable to the guy who occupied this space back then. Coincidentally the weather set out to match my disposition on each occasion. Years ago the grey and overcast day accented my mood and today the sun shined while a light snow fell, it was incredibly beautiful. Dark clouds rolled over to the north and occasionally blasted me with cold wind and corn snow, but the sun warmed my face all the while. This might sound rather unremarkable to anyone but me, it was in my case a pretty big deal.
Also do yourself a favor and make a note not to listen to this while hiking on a ridge line in a thunderstorm... spooky.
